I’m done with shame

I’m supposed to be working but instead I’m going to write another feminist post.

“Because here’s the thing.”

I will ALWAYS do what is necessary to ensure that there is food to eat, that my kids are healthy and happy, and work with my partner to make sure those things happen. I will ALWAYS do what is necessary to meet my deadlines and respond to emails in a timely manner or apology for tardiness.

I am tired of apologising for not “being enough”. I am tired of apologising because I bought fruit and vegetables from Aldi rather than the farmers markets, because frankly, my children eat about three types of vegetables and they are not always in season. I am tired of apologising for not signing my kids up for after school activities. I do. They are called kindy and after school care. I am tired of apologising for my tantruming child in the middle of a cafe because tomato sneaked onto the cheese and ham toastie. I will not apologise  for 4am screaming and barking.

I am tired of apologising publicly for my private labour. Because I am not sorry for these things. I’m even over being embarrassed or silenced by them. This is family and this is normal.

I will apologise to my daughters for modeling mummy guilt. I will apologise to my daughters for perpetuating the cycle of 90% housework.

So I will put them in front of screen while I watch another. I will read a novel on a couch covered in squallor while they are playing with the neighbours’ kids. I will pay them to empty the dishwasher so they can buy more freaking My Little Ponies. I will get distracted by social media at the park. I will do these things because I am modelling humanness.

They will always be fed and loved and boasted about. They will clean up their own mess.


They will see how a career woman mothers.

When they grow up they will have a sound grounding in not giving in to the guilt because the feminist cause is multi-generational. I will do my best to fake it till I make it because the stakes are higher than is realised. Mummy guilt is the new kitchen (and I get the irony of the picture of my kids cleaning the kitchen).

Here are some other mothers keeping it real. Please add other links. We need a critical mass.

Janelle Hanchett of Renegade mother

Katie of Hurrah for Gin

Lee Skallerup of College Ready Writing




One thought on “I’m done with shame

  1. My boys are 14 and 15 now, and I still think that two arms, two legs, clean underpants and plenty of books = success. Not to mention the fact that muesli and yoghurt easily passes as dinner in this house 🙂


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